Monday, February 12, 2018
Trump doesn’t need a parade. He needs a Roman triumph. By Dana Milbank Opinion writer
The Post’s scoop about President
Trump’s plans for a grand military parade in Washington brings to mind Evelyn
Waugh’s classic satire about England’s upper crust in the early days of World
War II, “Put Out More Flags,” named after a Chinese proverb:
“A man getting drunk at a farewell
party should strike a musical tone, in order to strengthen his spirit . . . and
a drunk military man should order gallons and put out more flags in order to increase
his military splendor.”
Trump's
wish for a military display Steve Bell
David Rowe
Peter Brookes
on Donald Trump as Napoleon
KAL on Trump and his great parade...
Theo
Moudakis, The Toronto Star
Military Hit Parade...Ramses
Steve Sack
I love a parade as much as the next
guy (though perhaps not as much as the president), but there are problems with
this particular idea, as The Post’s Greg Jaffe and Philip Rucker note.
Seventy-ton tanks “would chew up Pennsylvania Avenue blacktop,” big displays of
missile launchers would make us look like North Korea, and the expensive parade
would belie the Pentagon’s poverty pleas while perhaps also reminding people
that the commander in chief sat out Vietnam with bone spurs.
There is a
better way.
The obvious purpose of the parade is
not to celebrate the troops, as the White House professes, but to celebrate
Trump. Hence, his wish to have the parade before the November election
(and the military’s wish to have it after). Given the real goal, the model that
would best suit Trump has much older roots than a May Day or even a Bastille
Day parade. What Trump needs is a Roman triumph.
The triumph was a public ceremony,
including a parade, to celebrate as a near-deity the emperor or a triumphant
general — complete with laurels, thrown flowers, adoring troops, war spoils and
vanquished enemies in chains. It is, in short, just the sort of parade Trump would
enjoy if done in his honor.
The ritual was originally meant for
a returning general who had conquered territory and killed at least 5,000 of
the enemy, but it was later changed to honor emperors and members of their
families. Trump qualifies as a victorious commander, having vanquished enemies
foreign (Islamic State) and domestic (Cryin’ Chuck Schumer), and as an emperor,
having said that those who don’t applaud him commit treason against the state.
First in the Roman triumph
procession were the magistrates and members of the Senate; first in the Trump
triumph would come Devin Nunes, Paul Ryan, Mitch McConnell, Tom Cotton and the
other magistrates supportive of Trump. Next in the Roman triumph came
the spoils of war: gold and silver, treasures, and paintings and carvings
showing moments from the conflict. In Trump’s triumph, the spoils would include models of Trump hotel and golf
properties, the nuclear football, a float with a very large button, and chunks
of the border wall, carried by Mexicans.
Next in the Roman triumph, to the
crowd’s jeers, came the captured prisoners in chains: leaders, soldiers and
sometimes family members, to be put on display after the parade or executed.
Trump’s triumph would feature all his foes, in irons: the “dreamers,” NFL
players who kneel for the national anthem, women who alleged sexual misconduct
by Trump, the fake-news media, Robert Mueller, James Comey, FBI agents, Puerto
Ricans, Trump’s primary opponents, Hillary Clinton, Steve Bannon.
Next, in a cloud of incense, would
come the Roman general, or emperor, in a chariot driven by four horses, holding
a laurel branch and scepter and wearing a purple and gold tunic and a painted
toga. A slave would hold a golden crown over his head. The emperor’s children and courtiers rode
alongside his carriage on horseback, followed by the soldiers in togas and
laurel crowns, shouting “Io triumphe” — Hail, triumphant — at their leader.
Trump’s triumph would use identical
trappings, though he might eschew the toga for a more tasteful flight suit. Donald
Jr., Eric Trump, Jared Kushner, Stephen Miller and John Kelly would escort him
on horseback. Instead of
troops shouting “Hail triumphant” at Trump, handling that duty would be Sean
Hannity, Tucker Carlson and other Fox News personalities.
Toward the end of the Roman triumph
procession, two white oxen were sacrificed at the Temple of Jupiter and the
prisoners killed. Trump’s triumph, by contrast, would pause outside the
Trump International Hotel. Though
executing his opponents could be problematic, Trump might stand in the middle
of Pennsylvania Avenue and shoot somebody, just for symbolism.
Mission
accomplished!
There’s only one problem with this
plan, as I see it. In the Roman triumph, a slave would ride with the general in
his chariot and repeatedly whisper into his ear, “Memento mori”: Remember, you
are mortal.
For our parading
president, this could be a dealbreaker.
